Justin Hawkins Rides Again, Cadogan Hall, London 2026 Report by Dawn Osborne

So I’ve seen Justin Hawkins many times with The Darkness and seen shows on his YouTube channel, but never seen ‘Justin Hawkins Rides Again’ live and tonight it’s in the very posh surroundings of Cadogan Hall near Sloane Square.

There’s a melange of photos and clips to start, covering Justin’s origins in The Darkness, mainly chosen for comedy purposes, but, just in case someone is a ‘plus one’ without any prior knowledge, it subtly sets the scene that Justin is the frontman for a major Rock band and now presents a You Tube show discussing topics relating to his music and that of others including analysis of musical tracks. A clip of Nuno Bettencourt complainant that the episode about him was ridiculous can only have been clickbait, which must be why, by replaying it tonight, Justin remembers it fondly.

On bounced the man himself with a karate kick in a clearly couture baggy suit and satin shirt with a white streak in his hair adding a touch of Rock ‘n’ Roll. He also does a live version of the now famous intro to “Justin Hawkins Rides Again… A-gain”.

He does a straw poll of how many people know him from his various walks of life. Unsurprisingly it’s from The Darkness and his You Tube channel and not so much from his singing on the Danone advert that he demonstrates. He shows everyone a picture of Robbie Williams backstage at “Knobworth” it doesn’t get much of a cheer as someone shouts “we prefer you!”

He introduces a flowered covered Gibson as the guitar which he uses for chord sequences to find out what a melody is. Saying “Sometimes only a Gibson will do” and “Gibson the choice of champions” he jokes about the prospect of a sponsorship deal.

Teasing us with the prospect of an autobiography he does a little bit of an analysis of Gary Barlow’s autobiography seemingly in a search of the pros and cons of taking the plunge himself. He had featured some stuff about the singer of Take That in the first live tour of ‘Justin Hawkins Rides Again’ and afterwards received a call from Mr Barlow! Surprisingly it was not a complaint or a threat, but an offer of some work. It never came to fruition and Justin wonders if Barlow was dangling a carrot to prevent further teasing. No such luck I am afraid!

On the subject of his own biography Justin said he would need to cover the sex, drugs and rehab, but when it came to the stories about people he had insulted and then had to apologise to, he will probably get a guestwriter. In case anyone thought his book might gloss over any really embarrassing bits, he proceeded to tell a story called ‘Skids’ set in the context of early gym lessons. When a girl pointed out he had some unsightly stains on his undies he ‘poo poo-ed’ (my little addition to the story) her interpretation by explaining it was motor oil from when he helped his dad fix a car. As a 6 year old he thought it was genius and I suppose given the circumstances he’s not wrong!

Hawkins commented that he has never tried to fit in, taking on the mission of ‘village wierdo’. He seems to have no trouble re-living events others might find a little uncomfortable to remember. After replaying bits from the BBC interview when the presenters didn’t know which one, out of him and Dan, was Justin, and was generally pretty awkward, he is actually prepping people for later in the show when he reminds everyone of how big a fuss the presenters made of the fact that Justin was wearing his free white terry towelling hotel slippers…  more anon. It is also a favourite of his as it did go viral.

A little passage on the importance of “three chords and the truth” in songwriting is a performance of some great falsetto wrapped up in a music theory lesson. With sweet songs and silly lyrics it’s the use of bathos for a laugh!

The second half was more interactive with guests and analysis of some songs. Justin chides the audience for not knowing the answers to his music theory questions such as what is an “ostinato”, which they would have, apparently, if they had been paying attention on You Tube.

Guest include Vic Reeves and Bobby from Bad Nerves. Justin had bought some artwork from Vic and since he forgot to sign it Vic had to visit Justin in Switzerland where Reeves got pissed and wrote some songs. The result was a song called ‘Bryan Adams’ Anusol’ and a video where Vic Reeves’ head appears in a haemorrhoid. I promise you I am not making this up!

The final section was guess the connections between two songs, accompanied by dancers (who had been chosen precisely because they were not the typical skinny girls in barely there outfits and included a middle aged guy with an ample beer belly in a silver catsuit). The music is mostly pop music not rock and the questions generally about songwriting and songwriters. The winners got a pair of white terry towelling slippers, funnily enough the kind you get free in hotels…

My favourite part of the evening was Justin performing the various songs in his trade mark falsetto and I would have loved to see a few Darkness ones. Really it is a comedy show, not a performance of songs, and, in the great tradition of zany British humour is offbeat and designed to keep the audience guessing. It was entertaining, and, as you would expect, compulsive viewing, deliberately made so by Hawkins willingness to go into awkward territory without any apparent embarrassment. Would I have rather been at a Darkness concert? At the risk of being awkward the answer is yes, but given how much I love the Darkness that is a very high bar. Put it this way, no one was demanding their money back and, sometimes it’s good to say ‘and now for something completely different.’

Text: Dawn Osborne

Photos Live Event: Erica Ford

Publicity Shot: Gareth Parker